My dearest little ones,
As I have grown and the years have passed; you get older. This letter is for you, for all the times I should have slowed down to soak up these moments. For all the times I didn’t express how much I love you enough. I hesitate to put all of this in words for you. Where do I even start? Being a mommy doesn’t come with instructions and I’m still learning. I need to apologize to you, each of you for so many things.
- I’m sorry that mine and your father’s marriage did not work out. I’m sorry for the few arguments you seen. I’m sorry for the sadness it will cause you throughout your life. I’m sorry that you have seen tears from both your father and I. I’m sorry for all of awkward moments that will occur between us.
- I’m sorry that daycare raised you. (Or helped a lot!) That you spent most of your days with other people. Other people kissed your boo-boos and hugged you when you cried. I’m sorry at the end of the day when you were ready to go home; they had to tell you, “Mommy will be here soon.”
- I’m sorry that I must work. That I must wake you up early every day and rush you out of the door. That I sometimes over-sleep and rush you more, so that I’m not late for work. I’m sorry that I get mad and yell while I’m rushing you; over the shoes you can’t decide to wear or the shorts you don’t like. That I sometimes bring work home with me.
- I’m sorry that when I pick you up from daycare I’m tired and stressed out. That I am not always as excited as I should be.
- I’m sorry that after daycare instead of sitting with you and physically being with you 100%, I’m cooking dinner, doing laundry, cleaning up from dinner and getting you ready for bed. That I don’t play with you, as much as you would like. That when you ask me for something you get, “just a minute” but have to wait for more than just a minute.
- I’m sorry for all of the times I didn’t cuddle, squeeze and tickle you long enough. For all of the times I didn’t lay down with you at bedtime and rub you until you fell asleep.
- I’m sorry for all of the bedtime stories that were missed. I’m sorry for rushing through them; instead of taking my time to act out the voices of each character.
- I’m sorry that I yell at you sometimes because I lose my patience. I’m sorry that I get mad when you put water all over the bathroom floor; because you are playing like young children do. That I forget, you are not grown. Not my finest mommy moments I know.
- I’m sorry for all of the times I forgot to remember, that discipline is more about teaching you right from wrong; and not punishment.
- I’m sorry that when you ask me the same questions over and over, or say mom for the millionth time that day; that I get frustrated.
- I’m sorry for all of the times I take my frustrations out on you because you are being a child; and life is being life. That my nerves feel like they are at the tip of my skin shredding undone when you are running around playing and screaming. That I want quiet and you want to be children.
I’m sorry for each time I didn’t tell you, “Mommy was wrong.”
I’m sorry that I am not always the best mother.
I hope you know how much I love you both. I hope you know how badly I try to do the best I can. I hope that one day when you look back at your childhood, that it will be filled with more happy memories, than sad. I hope you never question how much you were and are, always will be; wanted, loved and valued.
For all the times I didn’t say I’m sorry… I’m sincerely sorry.
I Love you to the moon and back, forever and always, I love you more.