Dating a woman with trust issues

Have you found yourself in a relationship with a woman who has trust issues? Are you struggling with her questioning, analyzing, over-thinking and mood swings? Do you want her to open-up, to let down her guard some? Are you trying to really get to know her? Yeah, my boyfriend has had these struggles plus some more. Coming from an emotionally guarded woman with severe trust issues you will need to understand a few things. You must show her that you are different. Well, that my dear friend will require some effort and time. BUT it will be well worth it in the long run.

A lot of people have trust issues because life is full of disappointments. To what extent and why; are the right questions to ponder. Most people tend to assume; that people who struggle with trust issues, do so because of past relationships. Nope, you would be wrong if you are one of those people.

Have you ever stopped to consider how you develop trust? Yes, it’s that deep.  Oxford dictionary defines trust as, a belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. Trust issues are developed by people who have emotional triggers. Emotional triggers are thoughts, feelings, and circumstances that “trigger” an automatic response from us. Life is not nice and things happen to us as children and adults; that we are simply not emotionally mature enough to mentally process correctly. Many trust issues actually evolve from childhood and get worse as an adult.

Now you may be thinking… what in the world does she mean by “emotionally mature?” Well, not everyone is consciously aware of what their emotions are, how they impact them, and  control their emotions have on their actions. Why does that matter?

Emotions have everything to do with “trust.”

When you are dating a woman who has trust issues, understand she looks at things differently than most people do. She has trust issues because of “pain” that she would like to avoid from happening again. If you want her to open-up to you, it will require a lot of work because she will make sure you are worthy of her emotional connection, time and trust. Above all else, her love.

How to get her to open up?

1. Consistency, Structure, and Dependability 

Reliability is huge!! She must feel like she can trust herself to depend on you first. Yes, that’s correct. She will second guess herself as well as, you. All you can do is continuing to follow through and be yourself. If you are wishy-washy and affectionate than cold, she will continue to question everything. If you say you will do something or be there, then boy you had better do it. Inconsistencies are the things she will notice first and continue to test you on, until you prove her wrong. Your words must match your actions or she will never trust you.

2. Reassurance and Understanding

When she questions you over and then over again. Understand it’s because she is seeking information; to link an emotional connection, to feel secure about a decision she has made or is trying to make. She wants to know not just the basics, but all of the details and the whys too. For everything.  She will not be able to accept a vague and unclear answer while she is processing things. All you can do, is continuing to give her the answers and reassurance she is seeking. Let her know that you care, will do what is right, and won’t be going anywhere.

3. Time, Consideration and Affection

It will take patience, persistence and understanding to get her to open-up. To make her feel safe enough to expose deep vulnerabilities, to share guarded secret feelings, and to trust both herself and you; to allow it to happen. Give her a place to hide when her world seems crazy. Give her the answers when her mind will not stop questioning. Give her affection and consideration outside of the bedroom as well as, inside. Give her a hug, then hold on a bit tighter and longer than she expected. Tell her and prove to her by your actions that you care, need, want, and love her. Don’t walk away… even when she pushes you because that is what she expects you to do. She expects you to give up, to walk away easily, and to disappoint her.

Why is it worth it, to invest that kind of time and energy?

It will take time and energy, how much I can’t say for sure. Once she feels secure and safe with you. She will expose a side of herself she has hidden from the world for sometime. When she commits, it will be a 100% and for long-term. She will not give up on you easily and will fight by your side any way possible. She will love you deeply, truly and fiercely. With a strong sense of loyalty, respect, and gratitude because you restored a lost hope, healed deep wounds, and repaired something that was broken.

When she falls in love with you, it will be for all of you. Your imperfections, strengths and weaknesses because she will have found them all. She will love you, for simply you.

Your welcome,

From an emotionally guarded and trust fearful woman.

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