Falling in love… something that seems to be so simple, but is actually ridiculously challenging! Have you ever found yourself asking, am I sabotaging myself from love? Have I given up love and still letting go of love, for the desire to feel “more?” I recently found myself asking those questions as well as, am I loving someone or falling in love with them? Is there really such a thing as can’t eat, can’t breathe, can’t stand being apart from… kind of love? At one time, I thought this kind of love was real… now I feel naïve for even wondering.
Is love an action or an emotion? Possibly both… who the hell really knows!! For most of us, love is something that just happens. Emotions develop, we fall, and then…. we are left hurt or have a happy ending. Due to science, there are a few things that do matter outside of our control. Like pheromones and hormones and blah, blah, blah.
However, can we generate love from conveniences; likewise qualities that develop trust and intimacy? Is that type of love different, a choice, and an action? In other words, does your heart fall in love or does your brain fall in love?
I still for some reason, believe that there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. That “being in love” does exist… to feel that euphoria, the rush… weak in the knees, can’t eat, can’t breathe, can’t live without, and over the top romantic unrealistic kind of love. This I think this the woman in me… Even though I hate to say that out loud.
The other half of me, the logical and rational side; finds that kind of love impossible. That love isn’t always enough. That love, that force… can fade. That love is a choice, an action. Being willing to fall in love, in the first place; actually matters. The work that goes into staying in love also, matters. That love is formed from a kind passion and a type of lust in the beginning, which develops intimacy. That intimacy must develop into trust and a strengthen commitment to replace the passion and lust; to evolve into staying in love.
What happens is that second piece at times doesn’t develop or the effort and work to stay connected stops, and the passion fades away. People can love one another, care for one another, and trust each other, but somehow lose the deep intense connection. They are “just” loving someone. That’s how marriages and families fall apart, that’s how spouses cheat, that’s how you hurt people you don’t mean to hurt. Because you love them, but you aren’t in love with them. Something is unsatisfied… for women a lot of times it’s an emotional connection that fades. For men sometimes it’s a physical connection, the need to be wanted and needed isn’t there.
I find myself asking… why does it have to be so complicated? I analyze and over think everything. I’m the type of woman who falls in love with a guy in my head first and then my heart. For me I need a mental, physical, and emotional satisfaction; to fall and stay in love. I don’t develop trust easily, so it takes me awhile to feel comfortable and secure enough to let my guard down. When I’m hesitant, I don’t feel emotionally connected and I don’t feel secure enough to feel safe to fall in love.
It’s something when you think about it… falling in love and how it happens; how to keep it. Everyone falls in love differently, has different meanings and needs for it.
I want that kind of passion that motivates you and their desires feed yours. That kind when you are forced to be apart, you think of them and see them in everything you encounter. The kind where you desire to please them, crave their touch, and the physical connection between you satisfies the expression of the emotional force felt.
Regardless, if love is an emotion or just an action… we all want the experience of it. Some just to fill a void and have someone there. For others, it’s an insatiable appetite that settling will never fill. It can only be filled by such a strong emotional and physical force; that there is nothing left to call it, but insanity.