I used to hate feeling differently from other people.
I now embrace those differences. I have an outgoing personality with an anxious mind. I’m imaginative and love thinking outside of the box, yet I’m very decisive. I’m very ambitious, yet I’m private and only share pieces of myself with others. My soul begs for knowledge, truth, realism and depth, yet I don’t enjoy social interactions with most people. I like and hate people – all at the same time. Yes, the struggle is real.
Have you ever wished you could turn off your mind?
Ya, me too. Thought after thought, constantly demanding attention, and occupying my mind. I analyze a lot. By a lot, I mean everything. I spend a lot of time observing the world, the people around me, and how they act. I look at everything from multiple points of view. I often can see the larger picture and how one thing affects another. I’m always curiously seeking more information, more details, and a different insight. This thirst for knowledge, creativity and imagination allows me to see multiple possibilities and outcomes.
However with a mind like this; I wish there was a switch to turn off the relentless analyzing and thinking. It causes me to be anxious and worry at times, leaving me desperate for peace of mind, stillness and silence. Silence is something I crave, need and get; but it also, drives me crazy. Relaxing and sleeping is normally when people recharge and unwind. Not me, not for those who are like me; whose anxious minds are always working. For us relaxing is difficult and requires an effort. I know that sounds ridiculous but nonetheless it’s true. During these times, our mind goes into an overdrive. Like “thinking” about every conceivable contingency is going to always allow us to have “control” of the outcome. No, analyzing may not always give us the ability to have control, but it allows us to be more prepared for any outcome.
The never-ending and ever-present filters.
I have this mechanism that is applied all the time, to everything, and everyone. It’s like a never-ending strategy game, that allows me to maintain control (or most of it anyway). I’m constantly changing my focus, consideration and view; to remain as reasonable as possible. In fact, I hate acting off impulsiveness and emotions. I am often very self-critical when I allow my emotions to make decisions and control my actions. I tend to come across to people as insensitive, but I’m really not. I relate to other people far more than I allow them to know because most people do not live and learn, or apply logic when making decisions. I find that very frustrating.
Sometimes if not most of the time, people are downright stupid. Ouch! Yes, I said it. Here is why. People are not always aware of their emotions and thoughts. They don’t fully understand how they are affected by them. They waste time and energy because they don’t know or choose to not pay attention. They choose to be close minded, judgmental, and lazy. Regardless, they make careless decisions that lead to bad outcomes. They also, don’t like to take responsibility for anything and some how or another, nothing is ever their fault.
I can do anything I set my mind to!
I’m keenly aware of my emotions, what triggers them, and how they are affected. Above all else, my rationalism is what eliminates me from being disappointed or emotionally hurt by people easily. When I make decisions or a commitment, I’m invested 100% without hesitations. I’m confident with my decisions because I do not allow emotions, social roles or standards, nor society traditions the ability to control my mind or actions. Emotions affect people’s decisions. Don’t get me wrong, I do feel and I feel deeply. So deeply that being logical and using the best rational solutions protects me from being to deeply hurt.
The way I think is actually my most valued strength. It allows me, to be different. I have an ability to learn quickly, effectively, and embrace changes. Because I have spent my entire life analyzing information and people, I trust myself and my insights to understand limits, people, and actions. My open-mindedness, determination, independence and rationalism allows me to have capabilities of doing anything I set my mind to.
I’m blessed with an ability that few have. I can simultaneously maintain a clear idea or vision, apply various concepts and connections to it, while remaining logical and rational. I can understand and see the outcomes; in a manner that allows me to plan the needed steps to achieve goals and overcome anything life throws at me.
I challenge more people to be self-conscious about their emotions and thoughts. How are you applying your point of view, attitude, and thoughts? Consider how your decisions and actions would change if you became more logical and rational?