Inspire love from the honesty of your words, the compassion in your actions and the courageousness of your heart.

When did people stop loving themselves?

Why is there this conception that we should automatically portray or even change ourselves to be what other people want? 

The other day my soon to be five-year old was singing the song “Girl Crush” by Little Big Town. (See YouTube video below) If you ever really want to process what the words mean in the lyrics of a song, then hear it from a child’s mouth.  The song if you never heard it before; (to put it mildly) is about a woman wanting to be another woman, so that a man will love her. Why do we do that? Why do we want to be someone else to make someone else happy?

I think at one point or another we find ourselves asking, “why can’t I be what she/he is looking for?” I wanted to be desirable. My best advise for you is, to stop focusing on what you think, you should be to make other people love you. I mean really, it is pointless to be with someone who doesn’t love or respect you for who you are. 

 

What it takes to be desirable…

You may not really realize this, but honestly the most desirable men and women are not the most gorgeous or handsome people. It is really more about how you carry yourself and whether or not, you love yourself.  I mean don’t get me wrong, looks do play a part in attraction, but it isn’t the only thing that determines the potential relationship. Now I don’t mean that you should have some ridiculous ego, be cocky or conceited. No, that isn’t it at all. There is a fine balance between being confident without coming across as arrogant. It isn’t about “being better” than someone else.  It’s about “I can do this, I got this” and helping other people along the way. Most arrogant people like to put others down so they look better. A confident person will not put down another person, they will help lift them up.

Becoming your own individual…

You don’t need to conform, fake it or lie to make people like or love you. Pretending to be someone else so that you can fit-in or be in a relationship is not healthy. The right people will love you, for you, without judgment. There will always be someone who isn’t genuinely happy for you or your success. I seen somewhere a quote that said, “Pay close attention to those who don’t clap for you.”  Goodness, that is the dang truth!! Becoming your own person means having confidence and loving yourself; for who you are. Then having the courage to honesty portray whom you are to those around you. It takes some kind of bravery to love yourself in today’s society.  Here is the thing though, a way to challenge this distortion within yourself is to recognize that not everyone is going to be happy for you, like you, or share your same values, morals, beliefs, and opinions. You know what? That is completely okay. Everyone is entitled to have the own distinguishing traits; it’s what makes them, them, and you, you.  Recognizing that and appreciating this can be very liberating.  Everyone has their own unique temperament and qualities. Accept them for them, as they should you.

Be Your Own Hero…

Sadly, part of the reason why someone puts their own self-worth and value in someone else’s hands is because they want to be rescued. They believe that it is someone else’s responsibility to fix their unhappiness. The fact of the matter is, “You are solely responsible for your own happiness.”  Don’t depend on your happiness, self-worth and value  to come from other people.  I have stressed this point many times in my previous blogs, but LOVE YOURSELF! The funny thing is that once you do love yourself, others and I do mean the right kind of others will love you too. The people who do not have your best intentions at heart will never worry about your actual happiness. We each have to take the responsibility for our happiness. We are not obligated to be miserable everyday. If you don’t like something, change it.

Being Real and Honest Are Rare Beautiful Qualities…

Being real and honest are rare qualities these days, but they’re beautiful!! Everyone nowadays seem more worried about being judged, or being “politically correct” they aren’t who they really are with other people.  Being real and honest isn’t about being judgmental or mean. It’s all about practicing kindness, but being honest and direct with whom you are with other people. Your approach matters! The way you exude your personality affects and influences other people. Positivity and negativity are truly contagious.  Being real and honest is about having the courage to be open and direct with other people with compassion. For example: Often times we have friends come to us for an opinion, right? Like hey, does this dress make me look fat? Ouch!! Now you are looking at them with this sudden passive expression and dismay on whether or not to tell them, it does in fact make them look fat. So how do you say it? … Expressing your opinion to them doesn’t have to mean and ugly, again it is about the approach. “You know, I don’t think this type of pattern and design of dress is the most flattering on you, let’s go try on and look at some more.”  The response doesn’t have to be so hurtful or a lie.  People want honesty. We crave it! Nobody likes to be toyed with or have games played with them. People ask a question and want a honest response. We don’t want an empty compliment. You will attract more people who genuinely care for you, for the right reasons, by being real, honest, positive and compassionate.

Be Someone Who Inspires Others…

Lead by example and actions, not just by words. So many people are passive. They are full of these unfulfilled longings of wants, wish-fullness, and the someday it will happen. They often start things and don’t finish, they don’t commit. This is both true in life and in relationships. We date people with the desire to fill a void, but hesitate committing out of fear of being hurt. Contrary you may believe, even the strongest of women and men out there need encouragement, support, friendship and love.  I truly believe that living your life with a purpose will bring the right people into your life as well as, the right partner.  Be someone who motivates others by not only being who you are, but by what you do. Focus more on reaching your goals and making a difference.  We set these unspoken standards for ourselves and by observation other people treat you accordingly. So don’t except anything less from people, but what you deserve. Set a good example for people by just doing the right thing even for those who have hurt you. By having these standards and ethics people will respect you and value you.

Be Happy and Find Real love…

Don’t allow other people to dictate your happiness. The most fulfilling experience in life is to be loved and give love. Loving yourself is not narcissism, that is different. Depression happens to us when we are lost, when we feel as though we are not good enough or a failure. Being in a healthy relationship isn’t about using someone as your relationship status to feel complete. When you search for affirmation through others you aren’t  caring for yourself with the same level and respect you are for others.  Know and accept who you are, what brings you joy and happiness. It is never to late to start to love yourself nor find love. Remember to inspire love from the honesty of your words, the compassion in your actions and the courageousness of your heart.

 

 

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