My thoughts never hibernate;
My mind doesn’t find peace,
and at night I pray for sleep.
As I lay there in the dark wide awake.
I have never known dependability
and had to grow up much too fast.
I hate feeling any type of vulnerability
and everyday I try again to let go of the past.
I long to know the feeling of consistency,
but I have so much built hostility.
I keep everyone at a distance
because I know what it is to be lost and broken.
The amount of pain can difficult to comprehend;
it’s deeper than the depth of the ocean.
Each day I try and try,
but can’t seem to let these scars mend.
I’ve only seen their backs as they were leaving
and never got so much as a – goodbye;
from the people I call family in my life.
So you can imagine why in the end
trying to depend on anyone cuts me like a knife.
I’ve grown tired of being alone,
but it’s the only thing I have ever known.
I’ve never had someone to standby
and the idea of needing anyone comes with disgust.
My heart keeps on whispering to please try….
It’s yearning to have someone to trust.
My heart keeps begging me to reach out,
But I don’t know how to give anyone the benefit of the doubt.
This mind never sleeps and will always hesitate
because it’s the disappointments I can’t help but to anticipate.
How can I start repairing,
what has been so broken?
When my mind keeps me from sharing
the part of me that feels emotion.
I want to trust and to love
but I don’t know how to get rid of
These thoughts that never sleep.
These emotional struggles really run that deep.
I’m more than just broken hearted.
I’m more than just cautious and guarded.
That I may never learn to accept the love
I have always been neglected of.