the pains living in me.
You can’t see the things I feel,
all of daily struggles I conceal. There are days I faint with movement of my head,
Some days I simply cannot get out of bed.
My extremities often feel cold
because my body has little heat to hold.
Other times my eyes are sensitive to light;
pressure builds and causes loss of sight.
I get sick to my stomach with certain smells,
especially when any scent lingers and dwells.
Sometimes my chest hurts and my heart will race.
I get shortness of breath and must move at a slower pace.
My arms and legs will get weak;
they get tremors and my bladder will leak.
I have severe anxiety at times and panic attacks
because I can’t sleep or relax.
My body doesn’t always have enough blood and I have to get transfusions;
because they offer no other solutions.
I avoid my triggers with precaution;
battle fatigue and exhaustion.
I suffer from a couple of chronic conditions,
and so I see special kinds of physicians.
I have a rare blood disorder and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome(POTs).
It’s harder to live with then you can fathom.
It’s finally managed and kept under control,
but all of the struggles take their toll.
Some days are good and others bad,
but I think the worst I have already had.
I have looked death in the eye,
and many times told it, “I’m not ready to die.”