The Heart VS. The Mind

I went out on the town,
To try and prevent this nervous breakdown.
There was so much I wanted to regret…
But I loved him and couldn’t forget!
There is so much about him that I missed.
I longed for his smile and all his charms,
The safety of being held in his arms,
The rush that overwhelmed me when we kissed,
How did everything between us, just shift?
I don’t know if it was just my mind
Or was I his damn secret?
Everything between us, was undefined
That my thoughts used it… as a weakness.
Yes it had only been eight months,
But all of his hesitations felt like a punch.They left me feeling so insecure.
Even tho he said he wanted more,
Everything in me wasn’t sure.
There were to many questions and actions I couldn’t ignore.

All of my questions
Yep, that caused a lot of aggression.
I didn’t know if I was really wanted,
and that left him feeling taunted!

I couldn’t understand what he seen in me?
I could never be,
Everything he needed.
Even though my heart pleaded.

He said he wanted more
and was open to change,
But now everything in me felt strange.
So I said good-bye and was out the door.

There was still so much unknown
And with all of his hesitations,
I felt like I should have known,
But we struggled with communications.

Days and days went by
Then he called and said let’s try.
That he never meant to hurt me
And life never offers a guarantee.
I couldn’t help but to cry
In my mind… we had already said good-bye!

I did something wrong
Because I didn’t want to be alone.
Everything another man said was right
And so I stayed overnight.
I could never keep that hidden.
So I told him, what I should have forbidden.

Now he doesn’t know how to feel
Or what to think,
Neither of us knows what’s real
And so I sit here and drink!

My god this is a mess!
Now he feels bad he didn’t express
All the things he held back
And now I’m having a panic attack.

I’m so damn confused,
I don’t want to be used,
While my mind screams at my heart
That because you’re not smart!

With everything I have already been through
All of this I already knew,
The disappointments and the pain,
I should have listened to my brain.

As I swallow down the last sip
I received a text that says, “I Love You”
And I close my eyes and hope it’s true!
Because it’s him my heart chose
And now my mind knows
I’m too far in love to just, quit
It’s time for my thoughts to get a grip

My heart knows he is the one
and this battle is now done.

*Originally posted to my poem on Allpoetry.com —
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