Seriously, It is not that good men or women are hard to find.

It’s what society has changed men and women into that makes dating and successful relationships difficult.

I hear from people all the time that good women or men are hard to find. Myself included, I have used this line way to many times before. Heck, I believed it was true!  Last night I started to really thinking about dating and relationships; why are some successful while others are not, what has happened and why does everyone feel like, “where have all the good ones gone?” After all, we all want love, companionship, loyalty and to find that special person to have it with.

What seemed so difficult to figure out, isn’t really that difficult. First off however, I want to say for anyone reading this post that this is meant for the mature adult. Not the hustling, playa, cheating, immature, and drama filled person that is purposely being deceptive for seduction or to play games. Okay now, that is out of the way… Here we go. This is of course my opinion and everyone is entitled to have one.

Things have simply changed because time and people have evolved.

Time and people have evolved through generations of committed feminists and the millennium. Well what does that mean and why does that matter?

The Feminist Movement

Men are looking for women who are feminine, soft, compassionate, nice, respectful and have family values. Today’s women were brought up by committed feminists that were out to change the world.  Well they have changed the world and the generations of women whom they raised.  For the last 30/40 years or so women have worked hard to raise the standards pushing for female empowerment. Women nowadays believe they can do it all. While independence is also attractive, it has the tendency to emasculate men because women have learned how to be “TOO” independent. Women have changed there behavior and attitude towards men, sex, modesty, and monogamy.

The 90’s and 2000’s

The 90’s and the 2000’s were the generations that men stopped being men. Yes, I said it. It’s the generations that accepted and were proud to be those guys who were a playa, cheater, and baby making types.  It’s where men stopped dating. The generation where chivalry died, Social Media killed us, hiding behind a screen became accepted and normal, as well as, forgetting how to even plan a date.

At One Time…

There was a time when men followed an honor code, respected women and worked hard to build their character. There was a time when women valued being a woman in the way of having self-respect, how they carried themselves and dressed, and how fast they had sex.  At one time, it wasn’t okay for either men or women to have casual sex.  Umm, sex actually meant something other than just sex to people.  There was a time when conversation at the end of day was nice and there was no need to text each other all day, everyday. What about when women were less worried about superficial things and more worried about stability, values,  family, and their children.

Our society has conformed to not only “People/Time Changing” but also, “Internet Interaction.” We not only relying on the internet, social media, dating sites and so on, but it’s now actually considered normal! You can easily hide behind a computer screen or a hand-held device while meeting and talk to people, get to know them, but not really “know” them. The screen makes people braver, more direct, more blunt, more open, more honest and at times gives them every opportunity to deceive and lie about who they are. Well, why not… What is the risk? What about, when and if you do ever meet that person?  Who you are naturally may not be whom you have portrayed to be online. There was a time when meeting, actually meeting someone face to face and spending time with them meant something.

Dating Sucks!

Oh Yes, dating nowadays is horrible!! For everyone involved and all for numerous reasons. Women and Men are both equally guilty of doing these things…. They are either way too independent or way too dependent, emotionally and mentally not available, afraid of commitment, and DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT. Both men and women have resentment, bitterness, and emotional guards up from being hurt in past relationships.  So many of us use a relationship status as way of dictating our self-worth. Looking for someone as a way of finding confirmation that we are worthy of love and happiness. Using a relationship status as a way to kind-of define who you are. When did we become so scared to love ourselves?   We live in such a fast paced world, that we get lost conforming to other people, “to fit in” and we don’t know who we are as an individuals. We tend to just like or do, what we know from being in a relationship or from others around us.

“In this day and age, we are a generation looking to go back in time.  To when people valued and did not take for granted love, marriage, family, and relationships. When those things were not only respected, but actually meant and stood for something.”

Most people want to find that person whom they can actually love and grow old with, their forever. They want to not only be loved, but stay “IN LOVE.” Our generation is seeking out individuals who value marriage, have respect, character and a set of morals.  (Also, religion. I don’t normally blog about religion because it is so controversial. However, faith and religion also, play a large part to most people.) I can’t emphasize how important it is to truly know and love yourself.  To understand what your expectations are, likes and dislikes, and what you are willing to sacrifice or not give-up on when it comes to a relationship.  

It is NOT that good women or men a rare and hard to find these days… because they’re around. We do exist.  We are just living in an era where people have changed and evolved with the times. While growth is important and needed; we could benefit from a few old fashion methods.  I’m not saying everything was great about the older generations and goodness knows things have come a long way.  I’m talking about things that both men and women are looking for these days.  People are in search of admirable traits such as honor, character, dignity, respect, morals, integrity, and loyalty for one another.  While these traits may have trickled away for a bit they are making a come back!

So my advice to anyone seeking a relationship is to ask yourself some questions. Would I want to date MYSELF if the roles were reversed? Am I emotionally and mentally available? Do I KNOW, LOVE, RESPECT, and VALUE MYSELF?

I mean really? Think about it…

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