Yesterday morning I decided to take my children and let them pick out a real Christmas tree. I have always wanted a real tree but, my family only used artificial ones. I figured why not try something new and exciting. Surely, that would help me shake this holiday blues I have been feeling. So, we went to the Christmas tree field, my daughter picked out the perfect one, it was strapped to the top of my Honda Pilot, and off we went.
We got home and I realized “hey girl, you have to get this tree down off the top of your SUV, get it inside and set up! Wow, way to really think this thing out right?” I struggled to get it down and then had to drag it inside. (Yeah that was a blast… cleaning up all the needles that fell off!) Little did I know, the fun had not even started yet. Real Christmas trees are very difficult to handle and even harder to set up, especially alone! If you can, try to imagine and picture these next few things…
I fumbled with the tree and finally managed to get it up to standing position; using towels to cover my hands. I started pulling out the Christmas lights to apply them to the tree and I hear my daughter call my name. As I looked up, I felt why- as I was knocked over unexpectedly and pinned under the tree. Not fun!! The tree was a blue pine and the tips were as sharp as, a million needles. Once I got out from under the tree and managed to get it re-standing; I checked to ensure the stability to begin again. I had Christmas lights wrapped around my neck and hands to avoid dragging the lights on the ground and stepping on them. At this point, I was about a quarter of the way down the seven and half tall tree, when I noticed it leaning towards me. I tried to catch it before it fell over but, as uncoordinated as I am; I found myself once again, laid out under this painful tree. I was beyond mad, annoyed and frustrated! I crawled out from under the tree for the second time, only to find I was now itching and covered in a red rash with swollen fingers, hands, and arms. I was having an allergic reaction to the Christmas tree! Ugh, the day was not going the way I had hoped it would.
In a humble and sweet voice I heard my daughter say, “Mommy, you could use a little help”. I couldn’t help but, laugh and tell her she was right. My daughter then, asked me where their father was. I was doing my best not to show any hurt emotions and was holding back my tears. I answered her by telling her he had something’s to take care of but, that they would be doing a tree at his house next weekend. The fact was, I asked him to come and we had agreed that together; we could decorate the Christmas tree for the sake of our children. Apparently, something very important must have come up because, he wasn’t able to make it. Needless to say, the Christmas tree did not make it up that night. Later, my children were in bed and I sat in my living-room looking at the disaster in front of me and wiped away the silent tears that had started to migrate down my face. I couldn’t help but, feel lonely and ridiculous at this point. I decided that I couldn’t take anymore drowsiness from the Benadryl and called it a night.
Today, I called my ex and asked him to come over like we had originally agreed. I needed some help with this tree that had so badly, defeated me the night before. I told him the story of the previous night and he began to laugh in my ear. I’m sure he was wishing he was a fly on the wall. Later in the afternoon, he came over and helped me and the children decorate the tree. My daughter told him all about my battle with the Christmas tree; from the eyes of a four – soon to be five year old. Apparently, the tree would not listen and kept falling over. Oh, and Mommy used bad language a time or two. (Not my finest moment) When the decorating was done, he kissed our children and said goodbye.
With the smell of the pot roast I had cooking in the oven lingering throughout my duplex, it settled me. I was content in knowing that even though I had been feeling lonely, I was happy with my new life. I cuddled up on the sofa with my children and watched the classic movie of Frosty the Snow Man. My children drifted into an afternoon nap and my heart was overwhelmed with love. Life is always going to surprise you with a different struggle each day. I am relieved in knowing, that even when I’m feeling completely overwhelmed at times; it is okay to sit back and have a good laugh at your own expense. To just breath and push through it. Tomorrow is a new day to start over.