To the young beautiful woman in her early 20’s who can’t wait, to have children. Please, please listen to me and hear me out. It’s funny how you reach an age you think to yourself, “I’m grown and I’ve got my stuff together.” Well in all legal matters you very much are grown. You can’t wait to fall in love and have babies.
If you are already married, then you are counting down the days and wishing it would just, happen already! You are tracking each period cycle while having sex on a schedule. Each time your period is even a day late; you are holding your breath and your heart stops beating; until the words or lines appear on a stick. Each time the results are negative you try to not cry and be so disappointed. Every time you see a baby, you are overwhelmed with emotions. Your heart breaks because it isn’t your baby. You want a child so badly, that they are in everything you see and think. You tell to yourself, “I can’t wait to be a mom.” Each time you encounter something you agree and disagree with, in terms of parenting; you think, “I would never and I would always.”
I believe babies are amazing and a blessing. Having a child is a love that runs so deep; they’re the air you breathe. You know and understand that a child is a big responsibility. You THINK you know exactly what that means (you don’t and can’t truly understand); until the time comes that you have your own. There is no amount of preparation you can do (to really) be emotionally, physically, or mentally prepared for becoming a parent. To understand the stresses and worries, that every decision you make or don’t will impact your child. To understand the raw and overwhelming love you will have for someone else. The fears, happiness, and roller-coaster ride of emotions you will experience as a parent.
Before you change your freedom as you know it and it will forever, be different. Here are some things I wished I truly understood before I had my children.
You think you know who you are… but you are really just beginning to learn.
You think you know everything you want out of life.You think you know who you are and what you would or wouldn’t settle for and accept. The thing is…. You really don’t. I know you are reading that and thinking, who is she to tell me if I know myself and what I want? Nobody else knows me like I know me. Well, that’s true… But so is that you only know the surface. The wonderful thing about your twenties is that you will experience things, good and bad, on your own. You will think for yourself and draw your own conclusions on how things make you feel and affect you. You WILL begin to grow and to mature. Your wants, needs, and desires will also change.
No obligations or restrictions.
When you’re single, you have no restrictions or obligations to hold you back from anything you want. You have the freedom to do as you want, without having to think about anyone else. You can decide to pick up and go, travel, move, or anything as you want.
Living alone, peace and quiet, and personal space.
You may sleep as you wish. You can choose to read a book or a magazine, watch TV or a movie, surf the internet, or whatever else you want. When you are hungry you make yourself something to eat and then eat it while it is fresh and hot. You clean up a room and your living space and it’s clean for a while. You can take hot showers and baths, use the restroom alone, and brush your hair and teeth.
Being selfish and splurging on yourself.
When you want something you can splurge on it without feeling guilty. You can care and tend to yourself without thinking twice. You are allowed to be selfish and do what is best for you, you don’t have to come second.
Nothing will ever be the same as it once was.
Once you have children, nothing will ever be as it was. You will not think the same, or want the same things. You will no longer sleep like you once did and you will not ever have personal space again. You don’t get to sit and enjoy a meal and you will quickly forget about attempting eating out in a restaurant. You will not think about shopping, any type of shopping the same. It will be, how badly do I really need it and how fast can I get in out while avoiding certain aisles; that would trigger the mommy can I haves and possible tantrums.
The things that you swore, you would always or never do…
Will be just words you once said and didn’t always mean; when your children are being children and life is being life. You will not buy as many things for yourself, in fact you will go without a lot. So that they do not. You will make sacrifices you can’t imagine having to make.
Being a parent, truly is wonderful. I love mine more than my life. Having children though does change your world. You will experience emotions that words simply can’t do justice.
I will however admit, I wish I would have waited. Waited until I really knew myself and what I wanted from this life. To have learned understanding, tolerance, and patience for things that develop as you get older. When your appreciation for family and time takes on an entirely new meaning. When you learn the important things worth valuing. So that I could appreciate, slow down, and live in the moment… Of being a mom.