Where did the lady and gentlemen lifestyle go?

 In the last five years or so, (since I had children) I have noticed things that have been lost with the times. There are certainly things that I hope to instill in my children that will be somewhat uncommon for their generation. Look around you, at yourself, your spouse, neighbors, friends, family and co-workers. When you see the way people treat one another, does it make you scared? To an extent it should. Especially, if you have children. The world is becoming more and more of a dangerous place. We live in a society full of people with no morals, ethics or values. With each generation that passes, there are major changes that take place; and are considered accepted. It saddens me to see that women and men have no idea anymore what actual respect for another means or how to conduct themselves. How some people feel a certain amount of entitlement without the effort of working for anything. Coming for a lady that is different from my generation, here are some things that really need to make a come back in the generations to come.

Respect/Courtesy

Here is one of those things that actually really bothers me about both men and women. When did certain traits become so obsolete.  There is no longer a common understanding of how to be respectful or courteous each other.  I think certain corresponding behaviors on how to treat one another has somehow trickled away over time. Respect is one of those things you either do or do not have; for yourself or for others.  Each adult person should have a sense of worth, know the difference between right and wrong, and have a certain amount of appreciation, recognition, and consideration for not only themselves, but others as well.  My mother used to say to us, respect is not given it is earned. I completely understand what and why people say and relate to this saying. However, coming from a woman with a different point of view and perspective; I don’t completely agree with this. While we are under no obligation to respect anyone, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t.  You should treat people the way you want to be treated and speak to people the way you would want to be spoken to. If you do not, then why would anyone want to respect you? What automatically makes you better than them, that they must first bestow respect to you, for you to then feel entitled enough to show respect in return? If they have to in fact “earn” your respect, why would they want to; if you don’t treat them accordingly?  How you conduct YOURSELF actually reflects the amount of respect shown to you from other people.  Unless it is abused, being respectful and courteous is not earned; it is a natural God given right and should be shown and given out to everyone.

 Differences between a woman, strong woman and a lady…

I find it extremely interesting how these terms are used as a way to feel inferior to others. Most of the time that is exactly how they are presented. I don’t think any of these terms are in fact “better” per say than the other. I do however, think there are certainly some differences between them and what sets them apart from being a just any female. Women have overcome a lot of social status restraints over the years. Being a woman in itself is something to be proud of. To me you can be a strong woman and a lady. I certainly am. When I think of lady, I associate it with a certain amount of class. Not all women are classy. Again, this is just one of those things that have not been passed down through the generations. A lady has class, elegance, and modesty. To me a strong woman means depending on oneself and being self-reliant, having my own mind and opinions, fighting for what I want, having drive and ambition, being honest, and straight forward.  You can be a strong woman, work hard for what you want and conduct yourself with a certain manner to also, be considered a lady.  Just because you are educated, a sharp dresser, successful, and have other attractive qualities doesn’t mean you are classy.  Having elegance and class are in the manner in which a woman carriers herself.  She also, has a strong association with respect, family values, culture, and morals.

When did women stop caring about family values and respect? How many women do you know throw themselves at married men and think it is okay? Do they have no respect for their own family or the one they are destroying or trying to? Most women do not hesitate using profanity regardless who they are in front of. It is common to see women expose certain parts of their body with no self dignity. Women use sex to manipulate and use men, the same way men do women. Any person who uses sex as a tool to achieve something has some serious bad qualities.

Difference between a man, good man and a gentlemen…

Same thing goes here, I don’t think any of these terms are inferior to the other. I think they have distinct differences that set them apart from the generic guy. I find it sad that there are very few good role models for boys as well. Our generation is a breed of strong personalities with bad morals and ethics particularly, in men. It seems to be more accepted and understanding for men to just fall short on the expectations of being an actual man. Our society has given men the ability to have low standards and use the terms like “oh he’s good guy” as a way to excuse their behavior.

I also, find it funny how many people throw around the term good men. Good men are not hard to find. There are plenty of nice guys out there, but I wouldn’t call them a gentlemen. How many men do you see useing profanity in front of women and children, or the elderly? What about a well mannered man?  How often do you see men hold open a door for a woman? No, women are not helpless and can open doors. It isn’t a matter of being able to do the task on your own or not, it’s in regards to respect and consideration. Being chivalrous isn’t about helping a woman because she can’t help herself. It isn’t sexism. It’s just a quality that a gentleman has. Being a gentleman is in fact, a choice a man makes. He chooses how to conduct himself in a manner that is respectful, honorable, trustworthy, and full of integrity.

There was a time that both men and women respected the word family and cared about not only their children, but marriage.  Now men who actually meet the expectations of being a father are few and far between. It’s a shame that most men have no dignity anymore. Only BOYS make babies and don’t care about what it takes or how their children are raised. I don’t believe any male deserves the privilege of being called a man if he doesn’t help raise something he helped create. While there are still some men left who are there for their children, support their children, know their children, love their children, put their children’s needs before their own and are concerned for their well being; these men aren’t actually common anymore. 

When did it become so acceptable for men to treat women like an object? Why do men sleep with a woman that they have no intentions of having a relationship with?  Using women to only get physically what you want “your happy ending” makes you in fact, a bad person. Like, sleeping with a bunch of different women is supposed to be okay, but let a woman do it and she is a slut. Which brings me to my next point, how men speak to women says a lot about their character or lack of. I don’t find it acceptable for men to raise their voice nor hand to a woman.

I’m not claiming to be perfect because I’m not, far from it.  However, I hope my daughter understands the importance of conducting herself in a manner that will display her with independence, self-worth, respect, class and elegance. Something our society lacks in many of the women who are setting examples for today’s children. I find it very important to invest in my son qualities that will develop him not only into a man, but a gentleman.  As a whole, we could all work on rebuilding strong character, morals, values, integrity and ethical principle skills in not only ourselves, but for our children.  

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