“I love you…. But I’m not in love with you.”
Bam! The words roll off her tongue and stab you in the heart. How can ten words hurt so much? Then followed by, “I want to separate” or “I want a divorce.” Four words that turn your world upside down and your heart shattered into pieces.
How in the hell did this happen?
The truth of the matter is…. when a woman really loves a man; she does not fall out of love over night. It takes a long time for a woman’s heart to just, stop loving a man. It takes endurance of psychological and emotional suffering; for woman to lose that deep emotional connection, that loving feeling and mutual respect.
What men fail to realize is that, even after she has fallen out of love; she held on to “hope” for a while and then, lost that too.
Even after women fall out of love they continue to hold on to the “hope” of falling back “in love.” That one day things will get better. Women often stay in a relationship longer than men realize, just hoping! Over time… that hope she has held on to begins to fade. As the hope diminishes; so does mutual respect and the desire for sexual intimacy. That once deep fondness she had for him is replaced by hurt feelings, that turn into resentment, and often those things turns into hate, disgust or bitterness.
How, you ask?
Women are emotional creatures. We over think and we feel. We feel experiences… both the good and the bad. Our bodies are affected by what we feel. Tingling and warmth that consumes our chest when we feel love and happiness. The thrust of our pulse and the pounding of blood, as it pumps through our veins and into our ears when we are furious. Men do not understand; a woman’s mind, body, heart and soul are all wired together.
Men spontaneously act, sometimes think, and then they feel! Attraction, sex, food, money, ego boost and then… they start to feel the experience. Yes, then men start to develop emotions that can turn into love.
Women and Men simple love and stay in love differently. All relationships require work. Failed relationships happen out of complacency and neglect. You get to comfortable and stop applying any effort to keep the strong connection that brought you together.
How many disappointments can one person take?
One of the many problems in failed relationships, is that men replace motherly needs of being taken care of, with their wife. This can be vis versa as well, women do with men too. They want to be taken care of, but do little to support their weight.
When one person is left to worry and stress about life’s challenges, and the other person doesn’t seem to be affected or care. It puts all of the burden and demand to fix or find solutions on that one person. When this person is a woman and she has to do it over and over again. She begins to lose respect for a man. If she can’t depend on you for small and simple things. Then when the small things turn into bigger ones, over time she will stop depending on you for anything.
Women need to feel appreciated, considered and thought of. They need that kind of emotional support to stay deeply connected and in love. If she feels alone, unsupported, and unloved why would she continue stay?
A broken promise, then another broken promise, and another. Words begin to mean nothing, when the actions and choices never change. The hurt feelings, pain and disappoints still sting each time they happen. Everytime it cuts a little bit deeper and deeper.
Women sacrifice a lot, but are beginning to less and less. At one time, women were strictly devoted to their family. That has changed more and more with every passing generation. Women can now take care of themselves and raise their children. Women don’t “need” men to just physically support them. We no longer need a provider and in most cases, it takes two incomes to financial be stable.
Some men forget, don’t appreciate, or acknowledge what demands women juggle everyday. Especially, when she works, takes care of a husband, children, a home and stresses about whatever life added to the list. We lose ourselves sometimes in the battle of stretching to thin, taking care of everyone and everything elses needs.
Women want a man, who is going to help carry all of the burdens that life throws at them. They want to feel appreciated and thought about. They want a man that they can depend on and trust. They want an actual life long partner, friend, and lover.
If she starts and never stops feeling alone, stops sharing her concerns and feelings with you, begins to have more bad or sad experiences than good, can’t trust or depend on you…. then you as a man are not providing her with the emotional, psychological, and physical support needed.
I will admit this as well, there is wisdom in waiting for late twenties for marriage and early thirties for children. As we grow up our needs, wants, dreams and desires change. We change. If two people don’t grow and evolve together, towards each other, supporting one another, encouraging one another and aren’t fully accepting of each other; than there is nothing, but space and distance left between them.
Don’t ever stop working on your relationship. Don’t take it for granted, not even for the slightest moment. Give it nourishment, affection and attention. Fill it with acceptance, understanding, patience, support, encouragement and most of all, LOVE.