The other night my daughter threw her a massive tantrum. I’m not talking about just a little bit of pouting. She threw herself back on the couch, crossed her arms, looked right at me, started to scream at the top of her lungs and cried! She has had them more and more lately. I let her have her fit and afterwards when she was calm I sat down next to her. I asked her why she was acting out and yelling at mommy? Her response was, “I want my mommy and daddy to live together again.” Talk about stab me in the heart and knock the wind out of me.
Studies show that children regardless of gender and age are impacted emotionally by divorce. In the back of my mind I figured something was bothering her, but I just didn’t know what. My daughter is much like me so, she was analyzing everything she could understand in a mind of a soon to be five-year old. These meltdowns were in response to an overwhelming amount of frustration and emotions that she simply could not express correctly. I sat down with her and talked for a long time about the things going on around her. I answered her questions one by one, tried to reassure her that both her father and I, love her and her brother dearly.
Children are like sponges and everything we do impacts them. Gosh, that is such a tremendous responsibility when you really think about what those words mean. Every decision I make for my children, for myself, for our future will have some type of influence on them. Of course children learn by example and so, I do my best to keep a positive attitude, have patience and faith that I am simply doing the best I can do.
I know from being a child of divorced parents and a survivor of other things, that I have issues with dependence on others. I hope my children never have to question my love nor their fathers love for them. My children are young, but I know that they are still learning how to deal with this transition. What it feels like to go from the familiarity of having both a mom and father in one house to separate households. This unwelcome change has rocked my children’s little worlds. My daughter is wishing for a recreated family closeness and bond that isn’t going to happen. This type of emotional grief and pain is so difficult to comprehend; not only for my children but, for what I feel for them.
One of the best things I can do for my children is simply reassure them that we love them, give them as much stability and structure as possible, be reliable, and open with them. I am hoping to embed in my children how to be flexible, adapt, be open-minded, tolerant, self-aware and how to be positive. These characteristics will help them make the best decisions when the time comes for them to pursue their own lives.
I urge any parent going through separation or divorce to be open, honest, avoid blaming, be supportive of the other parent, help your children express their feelings, listen to them and simply be there for them. The changes from a divorce not only affect us as adults, but our children as well. We so often forget to talk with our children about their emotions. I have said before in my blog that I am a huge advocate for communication with our children. Regardless of how big or small the situation maybe or seem to an adult, their feelings are very real and important to them in that moment. Those feelings later turn into emotional triggers because, children lack the knowledge to maturely process those feelings. Take the time to accommodate and learn your children’s feelings. We can take advantage of the opportunities to teach them responses instead impulsive acting. Children are learning, we can teach them by setting examples for them and being a good parent. I want to influence my children for a successful and bright future. Even though inevitably bad things will happen to them, I want them to know how to be resilient, grow and withstand the obstacles that they will be presented with in life.
Sometimes we forget to remember that time is so precious. That the minutes turn into hours, hours turn into days, days turn in to weeks, weeks turn into months, and months into years. Time really does go by faster than a blink of an eye. Our children are grown and young adults before we know it.
Things are going to happen no matter what because that is life. Life just happens which includes the good and the bad. To me if my children can learn anything from me, I pray it is how to be positive, resilient and to never give up.
Please leave your opinion in the comments below. I would love to hear from you!